Saturday, March 23, 2013

Behind The Blog

What's great about the blogathon's I participate in is the inspiration I gain from them. On the task list of the Itty Bitty Blogathon there are several writing prompts and right now this is exactly what I need. The reason I started this blog was because of my sister.  She has her own blog and would receive many different things in the mail to review. Books, CD's, even Movies would come in for free just as long as she discussed them on her blog. I of course thought that was awesome!  Of course there were some products she got that I had no interest in but now depending on what kind of blog you were creating companies were willing to share their products and I wanted in.

I had blogged before on Livejournal and even tried making my own website a couple of times. So the interest had been there before to write.  I just could never get my page to look quite right and even still I am working it out. (Just changed the name yet again.)

One thing you don't know about me is something I have been reluctant to share online.  My mental state is not good and by that I mean it does not serve me well.  I have a hard time explaining it because I can't get my thoughts written down quickly enough before more are coming in.  You could say I am depressed but I am not in favor of labels because they have so many different meanings and often negative connotations. I have been diagnosed with a Learning Disability and mental illness runs in the family.  I don't think of myself having a mental illness even though that's the picture some would like to paint.  Instead I think of my mind as using a different operating system than others and that there are many operating systems that human beings possesses. Bi-polar, or Autism are different labeled operating systems that in my opinion are not a "disease" we just have to learn our operating system and how to make it work for us. 

I still have to learn how to manage my mind.  I am often called a quiet person and don't socialize as much as I used to.  My thoughts reflect on things hidden, unseen, invisible, and what is possible.  People fear what they don't understand and many of my thoughts and beliefs are of the invisible worlds around us that others don't see and this makes it difficult to relate with others.

I am grateful for my readers because they offer a voice and feedback on what I am writing and thinking. Right now though I don't have a lot of readers because I haven't put too much work and energy into the blog.  This is primarily because I still need to get over being worried that no one would be interested in what I write. I do consider however the vastness of the internet where  someone somewhere must be able to connect with what I write. I know there are people who share in my beliefs and I try to take some hope in that.

On my blog you'll find my attempt to discuss and theorize on the vast possibilities of existence and the hidden realms we live in.  Philosophy, Consciousness, Spirituality as well as Reviews (Books, Movies, Comics, Music) is what I hope to cover. 

When I was young I wanted to be an inspiration and positive force for change.  Over time as I have grown I have been disappointed and alienated by friends, and people in general. This has caused me to turn away and retreat from the world. I try to be better and open up in the hope to be able to find some peace.

1 comment:

  1. I love it, you say you can't describe it but you did it very well. I like how you say that bipolar and autism are not an illness, just a different way of operating. AS someone who has bipolar though, I must say that it might be true sometime, but when it gets really bad, and for those who have Bipolar 1, it's more of an illness I think.

    I know you have lots of interesting things to say and I look forward to seeing them unfurl.