Sean Stepehenson's post on Facebook today really made me stop and think about the associations and relationships I have.
Sean had this to say "FRIENDSHIP: The power of having a solid peer
group is unmatched. There's often talk about how to choose the right
mate to love, however there's very little discussion on how to choose
the right friends. Facebook is all about linking friends together. Or is
it?
Let's cut the crap...
Most of our "friends" on Facebook we'd never pick up the phone and dial. You know why? Because we don't have their phone
numbers, they are merely someone we knew back in high school or
randomly met at a networking event. I'm a bit ornery here for a reason.
Reason being, I really value friendship. I'm talking deep,
life-altering-bonds with another person.
Unfortunately most people don't CHOOSE their friends, they fall into them. They make their friend selection based on proximity.
"We went to school together."
"We work together."
"We (fill in the location based encounter)."
I'm not being a Danny-Downer here, you could make your best friends
this way. And if that works...hell yeah! However, I've found that most
location based friendships usually suck. If you didn't go to school with
them and have those childhood memories you'd probably never hang out
with them. When that is the case we need to re-evaluate the connection.
Just because you have a history with someone doesn't require you to have a future with them.
So where do we find amazing people to be friends with? I've found those
friends are met on our life-path. On that journey we take to live out
our life purpose. The most amazing friends I have were collected along
my personal growth journey or my commitment to contributing to humanity.
Maybe your path is music, art, guns, football, teaching,
childhood-care, or any other spark that lights up your soul. Align with
people who you are inspired by."
It is true that my friendships are location based. Heck I moved from my hometown to a different city because that's where my "friends were". Its years later and I find myself back in my hometown and wondering who my real friends are. Wondering where the dynamic, positive people are whose habits and thoughts I would rather immerse myself in are.
Yes the Internet is a way to connect with these people but I need to connect with these kinds of people in regular life too.
Good wake-up call
That's a good explanation of the problem with Facebook. I do have some old school acquaintances on my Facebook but I try to focus on people I really know and care about. I don't have phone numbers for most of them but then I hate using the phone.
ReplyDeleteThose dynamic positive people? You haven't met them yet, but remember, dynamic positive people are attracted to other dynamic positive people. Focus on how you are projecting yourself and they will come.
I only have two people on FB that I went to school with. They are only there because they communicate with me on a pretty regular basis. The rest I deleted a long time ago.
ReplyDeleteHere is a truth too...I have two FB pages. Ok, I said it. One is extremely personal of people...mainly family/close friends whom I "chat" with on a normal basis. The other...less personal. I do have a few on the non-personal one that follow me and chat with me on the other.
I hope you understand that with time, one could possibly move to the other. aka...you!
What you have said here makes total sense. Great post and glad I am on my way to know you.
~Naila Moon
Great post and it makes so much sense in lots of ways. While I do agree that I am only "friends" on Facebook with people because of proximity to them I have made some actual friends from social media that probably have been there in ways none of my actual friends are. I think we connected because we were all interested in the same things and we we enjoyed each other for those things.
ReplyDeleteOh boy, don't even get me started on friends on Facebook! I actually deleted my original account because I was spending all of my time keeping up with people I knew in another lifetime and was no longer close with.
ReplyDeleteNow I have a new Facebook account only because I am blogging and needed one to start a page for my blog.
Close friendships are something that I have struggled with my entire adult life. I just don't connect with people outside of my family too well. I get along with other people okay, but I don't meet too may people with which I feel a connection.
I have my husband, my family, and my husband's family...that is okay for now.
I've definitely noticed now that I am not in school/college or a workplace environment (I work at home) that its much more difficult to find new friends. I've definitely found some great acquaintances through Facebook.. but that's where it ends. Thanks for chatting about this topic and sharing your thoughts with us.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that as well...many people who never talked to me before now are 'friends' for not good reason.
ReplyDeleteWow, i hope i can end up writing as well as my kids do. Tony and Kathleen. They didn't get it from me.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. Friendships are different on facebbok then in real life. But my best friends are on FB and I have never met them in real life.
ReplyDeleteI am blessed by many friends, but I have noticed in the past year when I stopped doing theater, many of my one time close theater buddies have faded a bit. Or more than a bit. I miss theater and I miss them because I miss theater, but the truest friends remain.
ReplyDeleteI suppose I am sentimental, but I also love my childhood friends and those with whom I share a history. I am closer with my friends than the family I grew up with, for example. My family has never known me. My friends have.
Great post, especially since it sounded at first like you weren't inspired to write. :~)
Great truthful post. I have found more FB friends through blogs than from schooldays. Some of the FB friends are acquaintances, but some of them it would be nice to have a face to face over coffee
ReplyDelete